Sin or not?

Hey guys,

Even though I have a lot to do this week and the next, I felt the need of writing about this situation I was on this week.  Like you guys know, I'm a nursing student...not to be cocky but turned to be I'm pretty good at what I do. Well, at least my grades shows that.  
Here I am on a Tuesday morning, about to take this practice test for maternity class, and there is another student from another class that needs to take another writing test with my professor too. She started her test, and the professor trusted her enough to leave her around us, and went to the back of the classroom to grade another student, leaving this person unattended. First she is leaving her unattended because she trusted this student and us to behave and never cheat.  Second, I guess she trust the fact that the student called herself a "christian", she goes to school with her long skirt and always taking about God and blah blah blah... Let's make one thing clear... I don't have a problem with Christianity.., I love God, and I trust his word and that's MY OPINION. So, here is what blew my mind and really pissed me off.  I caught this girl cheating, first she take a paper out of her purse and just started to answering the test, then here comes another couple who claimed to be Christians and started to tell her the answers she couldn't find in her papers.  So, here I am watching this and thinking HOW THE HELL they called themselves christians and how they go around telling people they are sinners and throwing them freaking verses of the Bible.  

I was so mad, that I waited for her to finish... I confronted her and asked her who is the bigger sinner, the person who steals or she for cheating on a test... Of course, she gets all sensitive, because I noticed christians love to point what we do "wrong" but you can't tell them... I guess we have something in common people, we like to be always right.  Ain't that the truth!!! AMEN!

So... after she alleged that I was been disrespectful to her, I decided to change my question... "Who is the bigger sinner... me for being gay or you for cheating on the test?" I never got the answer because she left, I screamed at her how bad it was and how it feels now, that she wasn't any better than me.  

Here comes the best part... when people started to give opinions, and trust me I love debates and I love when we can express ourselves.  Of course all the christians went crazy, and asked me HOW COULD YOU!!!! Haaaa... I have to laugh... I wasn't trying to bully anyone, I just had a valid question and I needed answers to understand their beliefs.  Some people, and by that I mean CHRISTIANS told me that CHEATING is not a sin, that isn't  bad, that God doesn't like it but wasn't a sin per se. Who understands them? Not me of course.  
I asked people who DON'T go regularly to church, what they thought about this... Of course we think and analyze and don't become fanatics of our beliefs, every single person answered the same... CHEATING IS A SIN! CHEATING IS WRONG... Here is why: 1. you are stealing someone's else knowledge. 2. You are being dishonest.  3. No integrity. 4. You are lying (the job is not yours and you are making us believe it is).   I can keep going on and I will never finish.  Most important though, is the fact you are been hypocrite.  Nobody is going to trust a cheater. How can you go around telling people, like gays, like someone who kills, someone who use drugs, someone who is in steroids to enhance her/his performance, that they are wrong and you are right.  Did you know that SINS don't have a measurement? Right? It's not like you can say this one is little, and you that kill or beat up your wife have a bigger one.  You my friend are a regular sinner just like you call me.  

So... to those who get offended and call me a bully for telling the truth to your face, to expose the lies and the hypocrisy of so called christians.  How easy is for you to point out my lesbianism, but I can't point the fact that you are a fucking cheater.  Yes is a sin, I believe God said NO STEALING in the Bible, and you are doing that... you are stealing someone's else KNOWLEDGE. 

Well, that's all for today! Remember if you going to preach about sins, and what's good or bad... remember yourself first... I'm a sinner... maybe... I am Gay BUT at least I have integrity, I'm honest, I don't steal, and I don't lie about me being so perfect, and I don't pretend to be one!

Love,
your favorite blogger,

D11

I read this... You should too!

http://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/would-understand

Relatos de mi amiga anonima 2

He aqui les dejo otro corto relato de mi amiga anonima: 

El hoy, el hoy no tiene tiempo pero ya mañana llego. El hoy es el pasado que nunca acaba, por eso debes hacer lo que siempre prometistes. El hoy detesta el futuro y su obstinado percance. El hoy es un traicionero para los que no esperan la muerte . El hoy es un infarto en la memoria de mi espasmo. El hoy es un silbato hueco, un suspiro de musica en mis dedos . El hoy es lo que ya no tengo, lo que por oidos lleva misterios. El hoy es la culpa del prisionero, la vengaza del herido. El hoy es peor que ayer y mas caotico que el dia despues . Es hoy cuando entras en guerra con tus sueños es hoy cuando te das por vencido y lo logras. Es hoy cuando te moritifican tus promesas, es hoy cuando cobran tus deudas. El hoy no es un escape es un gran vacio del cual no hay salida del cual no hay una victoria.

N.

Relatos de mi amiga anonima

He aqui un poquito de escritura de mi amiga anonima quien no se atreve a dar cara, pero yo la promuevo porque para mi escribe hermoso... Aqui les dejo...

Dolores...

Dolores de pecho, Dolores de mal de amor. Dolores que tienen fecha pero no expiracion. Dolores que compran flores y marchitan corazones. Dolores que sufren mas que una muerte . Dolores que relampaguean peores que rayos en la noche . Hay dolores que su caducidad nos hace feliz . Dolores como este, de vino seco y cerveza barata. Dolores como el ajeno, como la mirada, hay golpes sin dolor pero tambien hay sonrisas que duelen mas que un beso al corazon.

N.

Marriage

Like everybody knows... I'm a lesbian.  If you don't know, then "SURPRISE!!!!".  So, today we will be talking about "marriage".  I'm a little terrified by that word, concept or whatever you called it.  I'd always been against marriage, I saw it as a way of losing my freedom.
So, for many years I was a happy lesbian.  Didn't have to worried about someone dropping on one knee and say "Will you marry me?" or "Would you like to spend the rest of your life with me?"... Trust me I was happy and ok to know that I was a lesbian ,and I could do whatever I want.  I don't like this one, so you get over and find a new one... Now we have to involve marriage into this life.  Don't get me wrong... I'm very happy when people get married, but I do have a little "inquietud".

I was actually 4 years old when this crazy song came to Puerto Rico, in which talked about "Echa pa' lla Viejo demonio, no me gusta el matrimonio"... if we have to translate for some of you, it talks about this woman who is telling this man to get away from her, because she doesn't like marriage... I was only 4, who would say that I actually grew up loving this song and living to this expectations.  After all, I am a lesbian.  But here is the point we have to look... At the age of 4 I'm saying NO to marriage, and here I am at the age of 30 saying NO to marriage.  It has nothing to do with sexuality... it's just me not liking it.

Good luck to all those who are getting married... I'm happy we get to do the same as straight people, because that's what we called EQUALITY.  Just don't expect meeeeeeeeeeeeee to be the one getting marry anytime soon.  Maybe later... maybe in 10 years, I get to tell people "Guess what? I'm married and I have 2 beautiful kids."  For now? well, right now I want to live my life, be happy and met a ton of women!

I'm terrified of losing my freedom, I'm terrified of getting tired of someone and not been able to say "You know we are done!" when I have to worried about legal fees... Oh My God... more legal fees, more lawyers, more people taking what's mine.  So... for those who feel or think like me, if you are close to your 10 years anniversary and you still wonder if she/he is the one... RUN! You might not want to lose half of your stuff just because she/he can't take a "We are done" for an answer!!!!!!!!!!!!

ATT.  Dindy (The jerk... I know you are thinking that now)

Coming back home

I hated it... 

I can't stand been here with them. 

Oh my God, how much I hate it! 

Reality slapped me on my face...

Damn, that really hurts! 

I just hate this environment... 

I hate everything is here.

I want to go back...

"Where do you want to go, Dindy?", i asked.

Who knows... I just felt so much better when I was far away from here, and there was nothing I have to be worried. 

I need this...

I need this...

I told myself silly things.

Only God knows why i'm here, but please God as soon you are done, please take me out of here.

Att. dindy

In my own words

In my own words…

 

It’s funny how I’m supposed to write something for my reading group.  Here I am thinking, “What’s going to be?” I have a lot of anger, too much inside my head, but a little knowledge on how to present the ideas. It’s easy to say, hard to do…then this language and culture barrier can be very tricky.  I’m not scared, though.

It's been years since the last time you landed your hands on me.  I still remember that day... it was a Friday afternoon in Mayaguez, Puerto Rico.  You arrived knocking on the door like I was one of your suspects, and you were ready to make an arrest. Couple years later, I understood that you guys tend to knock on the door that way every day, after I started to date my girlfriend Ann. The irony…she is a cop just like you.  You grabbed me by my neck and told me you’ll kill me.  I couldn't breathe for couple seconds, I got scared.  In the meanwhile mom just stood there... I think that hurts me even more that day.   Here is a big six foot tall, two hundred sixty pounds man grabbing a five- four foot girl by the neck, pulling her up and while he is pulling he is punching her at the same time.  I’m trying to get your hands off me, but you are too strong for me.  Addition to that you have police training that I don’t have at that time.  Mom is not saying anything because we are all scared of you.  Just like I’m fearing for my life at this moment, I know she is too, but she is powerless. She has been her whole life, so how can she save me?   

Don’t get me wrong! I love my mom to death, she is My Everything.

 At that moment I’m asking myself what I did so bad that you come to my house and threated my life. What I did to you to hate me so much. That hurt me forever because at that point I was only nineteen years old. It’s been eleven years since that incident, and I tried every day to forgive you, but I can’t forget, and when I can’t forget and I think about it…sometimes in my darkest moments I wish you’ve kill me that day.

 Instead of “Hello”, I only heard you say "You better break up with her". You were furious, because I was dating a girl.  You have always say you don't have a "gay daughter", you have always been ashamed of myself.  I can't control my emotions, I can't change who I am. In my thirty years of life, I have been nothing but obedient, responsible, a grown up when I was actually a teenager. I heard how you talked about our cousins and uncles, so I stayed out of trouble, no drugs, and no parties, nothing that a normal teenager would do, because I wanted your approval. I served my Country for 8 years, and while I did that I got hurt and couldn’t finish the 20 years like you wanted me to do. I got medical discharged and to you that was a disappointment, but to me it was hurtful, but not only because I couldn’t met your expectations, also because every day when I look at myself in the mirror I see failure, even more when I see my scars and even when I look at my knee.  

 I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for you. I finished my bachelor degree while I was in Active Duty.  Now that I look back, I did my major in Criminal Justice just like you did.  I always do things the right way, because I want to set an example for my brother and sister, but in the back on my head I’m doing things because I want your approval.  I believe in GOD, I have a lot of faith, I have integrity, and I have decent friends.  I have always try to impress you, and today I asked myself, “WHY IN THE HELL, DO I NEED YOUR APPROVAL?”  I don't need your OK. I don't need your partial love. I don't need you to be proud. I only need to cut those chains that are holding me back, and that are getting the best of me, and  to tear them down and love you for who you are, but I don’t need to live your life, because you already have one. You are the reason of my anger, you are my trigger to this feeling of rejection, failure and rage. Maybe one I will be able to forgive you, and say “Is ok, Dad! It was tough love. Shit happens.”

One thing, I’m sure is that I will never be the same, you have left wounds in my life, and you have scar me forever.  Your words are like knives, your hands are like blocks... You have damaged me forever... I can only fix myself to the point I can make it all work again, but I will never be new again.

I hate you, I love you, I miss you... You are my dad, and I can only say I wish you the best, and if you ever decided to accept me and hopefully understand that I'm still that same daughter God gave you 30 years ago, and understand that my sexuality is just a part of me, but who I am is so much than just that, then I will be here waiting for you.

 

att. Dindy

Ver como Dios trabaja

Ver como se mueve la mano de Dios y ver como Dios obra es lo mas lindo. Ver su obra a traves de estas cosas son lo que en realidad me hacen creer en Dios... y no soy de las que me paso 24/7 en la Iglesia, porque son cosas pequeñas para algunos pero grandes para otros, como ver a mi Abuelo levantarse de la cama y verlo caminar hoy eso me hace creer mas! Ver como se supone que solo diera 3 pasos en su terapia fisica, pero que caminara hasta la sala y se sentara en el comedor a comerse su asopao' eso me llena de Fe! Su obra! Ver a su terapista echarle ganas, y empujarlo al maximo para que eche hacia adelante eso me da fe. Dios nos pone angeles en nuestras vidas, y fijate no tiene una Biblia debajo de sus brazos, no juzga a nadie, ni señala. Tan solo quizo ayudar y lo hace de corazon y se deja guiar, y Dios hace el resto. Asi yo si creo! Le creo a un Dios poderoso! Y se que mi Abuelo (Papa) es un hombre de Fe! Mientras caminaba mis lagrimas brotaban, pero de alegria!! A sus 84 años salio de esa cama y se levanto, porque tuvo Fe y que lindo fue verlo caminar! Gracias Dios! Espectacular! No lo cambio por nada!

D11

Padecer y no entender

Padecemos y no entemos...

No entendemos porque padecemos de sentimientos que son dificiles de explicar.  No entendemos porque amamos, ni mucho menos entendemos cuando nos enamoramos.  Te ha pasado? Te enamoras de quien menos te esperas... Y te enamoras de quien mas lejos se encuentra! Y te enamoras de quien menos te debes enamorar.
Nos volvemos estupidos y de repente te vuelves vegetal.
Santo Dios, y como volvemos entonces a hacer que ese cerebro funcione? Pues, la verdad es que para el Corazon no hay remedio y menos para la idiotez.  Solo te puedo decir que de vez en cuando te mojes los pies con un poco de sal, y los sales a ver si se te sala la vida y le empiezas a tomar odio.

Como entender el amor, si no podemos entendernos nosotros mismos.  No sabemos lo que queremos, un dia quieres amarrillos, y el otro Rosita, y el otro negro y cuando vienes a ver, de todos haz querido, pero ninguno te ha querido.

Entiendes?
No si yo tampoco entiendo, asi que tranquila!

D11

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I feel like I have some type of purpose in this life. I grew up with a father and a mother who barely told us what good we did or what we could be when we grew up.  Today I'm 29 years old, and I'm still haven't find my rhythm. Lord, that's not only sad, but also pathetic.  I wonder, how many of us feel this... because I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with money.  I bet people have millions and still feel empty, and there are some of us who are broke and still feel empty.  What's the middle point then?  Who knows? I don't...
I have 3 degrees, I changed  a lot, I confessed that, they are all in different shit... I have my first one in Kinesiology, then I joined the US Air Force and did Logistics/Transportations and then Criminal Justice and now I'm going for Nursing... I thought I was becoming a Federal Agent after my time in the military... everything was great until I suffered an ending career injury on my knee and back... I can't run, so I can't be chasing bad guys, or kicking doors... So, I thought one day while I was feeling like it was the end of my life, that I wanted to help others.  I always wanted to become an agent to help others, plus it runs in the family... but I thought I could help in a different way, I guess that wasn't the plan. 
It wasn't easy, I admitted... I did got depressed.  I thought it was the end for me.  I worked so hard my whole life, and when I'm this closed to get it, everything turns to shit, and I'm done.  It's like this big athlete who prepares, trained their whole life, then their are told they were the best, he/she is actually the best... you can win championships, and be the MVP... let's say you get into an accident? Or let's say they accused you of taking illegal drugs and banned you from playing basketball/baseball/futbol/football... I bet you will get depressed for a while, and you will think like me "What else I can do?"... If you are not strong enough, you might lose yourself... that's what happened to me for a while... but one day, I just thought that maybe I could start in the Nursing school... I applied just to see if I was getting in, and I told God that if I get in that was my signal, and if I didn't I understood... It was bizarre how I got into Nursing school. Not only I got in, but I got my mother a job as a Pharmacy professor... Oh yeah, my mom was a Pharmacist for many years, and then she finished her PhD, and decided to become a Professor and she was on a Junior College for almost 10 years, until my interview day, when I got her a job at the #2 Top Ranked School in Puerto Rico... I heard we are actually #1 in Health & Nursing Department but that's not important... ;0)

I started school in August 2013... I finished my first year with 3.62 GPA.... No so shabby!!! It was kinda funny... I have both arms tattooed, short hair, and I'm a lesbian... so, imagined myself trying not to drawing too much attention... plus my Camaro... Oh Lord.  Anyway, at first it was hard, and I actually cried.  I was surrounded by bunch of teenagers, and I live in Puerto Rico... being a lesbian is already a taboo, having tattoos... lord have mercy, for some reason in this country, having tattoos means that you are a thug, or pothead, or crackhead... lol Let's stop right here... 1st. I have never smoke pot in my life. 2nd, never been on jail. 3rd. I don't like drugs or mix with ppl who use them, and my tattoos are Arts... I'm a freak of arts, music and books.  Knowledge is the only thing I feed my brain with.
Anyway, people were looking at me funny, people were thinking I was some kind of a loser.  nobody wanted to do shit with me... I understood, but it hurts.  That helped me though, I needed to proved them wrong... they didn't know me, so I started to get only A's... finished my first semester with 4.0 GPA.  Now, people wanted to talk... Now people understood... You should never judge the book by the cover.  Now, I started to trust myself, and understood that I didn't need them to approved myself.  I needed to accept myself, love me for who I am, and just be me.  I can't change myself, I'm not perfect, I will never be.  If people doesn't like it, then too bad, because I have learn that doesn't matter what we do, there is always one little fucker that will always talk shit, because that little fucker doesn't know you.

Wow!!! It's been a while since I let it all out... I'm on my way to find myself for the first time, and to tell you the truth, fuck! I'm terrified! I don't know what to do! I can only wish, that this is the way I should be going... I can only wish I finish what I started and I can only wish I'm good at it.  I have couple people betting against me... I have a Father who thinks I won't finish, who makes fun of me, and who won't see me as a nurse.  It hurts, but I'm a tough bitch... or at least I pretend to be! So, let's see!
It's been a while, and I want to be someone... It's been a while and I want to actually being able to look back and don't regret what I have done. It's been a while, and I'm tired of just sitting on my ass, waiting for life to be nice to me... So, instead of just letting be a while, from now on, I will just let it be, and just hope for the best and pray to God that everything I do it's OK.


D11